Tag Archives: insomnia

Crumbling world

When my entire world comes crumbling down.
I think to myself and begin to frown.
For every bad time there was something that made it better.
For every good time there was something that made it worse.
It never seemed to fade.
It just made me feel sad.
Sadness that to comprehend for people who haven’t felt it is near impossible. But for those who have felt this sadness that never seems to fade. Hanging over like a dark cloud.
It is the worst and its horrible.
I’m tired but no amount of sleep is going to cure this.
More often then not I wish I was dead.

I’m just a little down right now. Will pick myself back up tomorrow.

Also will be trying to do the new video soon.

Called ‘for all those struggling’ I should probably take my own advice…

Love always,

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Dreaming with my eyes open.

Whether I’m awake or asleep I’m always dreaming. My mind is pondering things that probably may not happen. Coming up with ideas that I will never have the confidence to do. At hats when I realise that I’m to stuck in my dreamworld to even notice what is really happening in my reality. 

whether it be ignoring someone non intentionally. Or having no ability to breathe because of panic attacks which end up sending me into tears which can not be controlled.

i need a magic pill that will make me less tired, because no amount of sleep will ever be enough to cure my tiredness. Where do I turn to find a pill so amazing.. If I follow Alice down that hole and find my wonderland? Or fly out the window with Peter Pan to find myself as a child where everything seemed possible and I had no fear, regrets and instead high self esteem and the will to find anything possible. 


when I dream, it’s not often with my eyes closed, instead with them open. Having control over a made up world is much easier then facing this big ugly world. 

My 3 friends I have, k, t and z. they mean the world to me. Through all my ups and downs they have been there to make me smile, whether it be a simple but loving note, a block of chocolate or a walk along the beach. The only people who can bring the reality back to me.

who make me question even just for a second, 

is the world really such a terrible place? 


My mood over the past couple of days has been changing. From I’m so angry I could kill someone to crying because I’m falling apart.


Trying to hold on to whatever hope I can find.


love always,



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A time that comes in everyone’s life. Where they are no longer a child but also not ready for adulthood yet. The awkward inbetween as I call it.

You are forced to think about your future. Which most of the time I have no freaking clue. I cant even make up my mind about what I want to eat. Let alone what I want to do for the rest of my life. Or the matter of fact that I dont know if I want the rest of my life.

I want to travel and see the world but I dont like people/crowd’s and everything.
I want to be happy but at the same time I have become addicted to my sadness. The fact that I cant let it go scares me even more. Or maybe its the fact that it wont let me go… I’m full of contradictions.

Well I guess I better get back to planning for my future, or maybe I will just stick to tomorrow for now.

Sleeping update:
Insomnia is getting terrible again. I need more sleep… Around 3 to 6 hours per night im getting at the moment. No wonder im grumpy…

Average mood this weekend. Tired and a bit low at times. Tonight is a low night.. but im staying with my grandparents.  Who always take the time to look after me…

Mask is up this weekend. Will probably be dropped tomorrow a little when I get back home. Im going to try my best to hold it together though.

Wish me luck.

Will be doing a plan of what I want to accomplish this week tomorrow. And have a few more posts coming. And writing the next video soon.

Love always,



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Exciting news!

I have finally got around to filming my video, i edited it today as well and it will be going up tonight. 

My moods been a bit meh today.. 

Due to the fact that i havent been sleeping great all week.. anyway..

Probably within the next 2 hours it will be up! 

So make sure you subscribe and check it out, share it, do what ever when it does get put up.

Love always,



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New video uploaded!

Alright, so i have uploaded an old video i made.

Its sort of a laugh, i dont know.

That shit really happens though!

Go check it out! 🙂


Dont forget to subscribe and like! 🙂

Love always,



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I am feeling ‘meh’ today.

I didnt have a very good nights sleep and kept waking up with the strangest dreams.

So my tiredness has decreased my mood, but also my mood has increased my tiredness!

Its a never ending cycle.

I have an appointment tomorrow to change my psychiatrist. Because.. well, we just dont connect or whatever. (and she is awkward as fuck to talk too).

I will write a post later on, depending on the type of day i have.

Im going to try go for a walk, despite being tired. 

Love always,


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