Tag Archives: Hope

Dreaming with my eyes open.

Whether I’m awake or asleep I’m always dreaming. My mind is pondering things that probably may not happen. Coming up with ideas that I will never have the confidence to do. At hats when I realise that I’m to stuck in my dreamworld to even notice what is really happening in my reality. 

whether it be ignoring someone non intentionally. Or having no ability to breathe because of panic attacks which end up sending me into tears which can not be controlled.

i need a magic pill that will make me less tired, because no amount of sleep will ever be enough to cure my tiredness. Where do I turn to find a pill so amazing.. If I follow Alice down that hole and find my wonderland? Or fly out the window with Peter Pan to find myself as a child where everything seemed possible and I had no fear, regrets and instead high self esteem and the will to find anything possible. 

 

when I dream, it’s not often with my eyes closed, instead with them open. Having control over a made up world is much easier then facing this big ugly world. 

My 3 friends I have, k, t and z. they mean the world to me. Through all my ups and downs they have been there to make me smile, whether it be a simple but loving note, a block of chocolate or a walk along the beach. The only people who can bring the reality back to me.

who make me question even just for a second, 

is the world really such a terrible place? 

 

My mood over the past couple of days has been changing. From I’m so angry I could kill someone to crying because I’m falling apart.

 

Trying to hold on to whatever hope I can find.

 

love always,

G

xx

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A sweet message to go a long way.

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It’s the small things that make you smile.
Walking into a cafe and ordering a hot chocolate happens twice a week at this cafe while I wait for the library to open.
This particular morning, I had greatly received a total of 2 hours sleep and still managed to sluggishly drag my sorry ass out of bed.
Walking in I had my music on full and humming a song to myself.
While ordering my hot chocolate I noticed that the lady who was serving me was looking at me intensely. I paid and went to the bathroom. It was then I realised by puffy blood shot eyes and mascara from yesterday smudged a little down my eye made me look as bad as I felt. I cleaned myself up as best as I could and went to sit down.
The girl came over with my hot chocolate and said ‘hey, I know it’s none of my business but just hang in there, you will be okay’. She smiled and walks away. A simple message of knowing I was not alone helped me get through that day. So whether you’re going to bed and reading this or just waking up.
You will be okay. You are stronger then you think and you’ve just got to hang in there.

Always here if you need a chat.

Love always,

G

Xx

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