Anxiety.. woohoo..

Okay, so today is Tuesday. I didn’t go to school yesterday because i didn’t have any classes. But today i got up, got dressed and walked out of the house by 8:50am. My bus was suppose to arrive at 9.05am. I waiting for half an hour and it didnt arrive. I got home, stepmom asked why i didnt catch the earlier one and then proceeded to walk off just as i was about to start explaining.

So i am here today to explain to you why i didnt catch the earlier bus.

For anyone who has anxiety or has had an anxiety attack, you know how it feels (terrible).

Its not that i dont want to catch the earlier bus. I would honestly love too. But i cant.

Really, my anxiety is so bad. even the thought of walking on to a crowded bus makes my breathing increase and start to feel wheezy. 

The later bus has hardly anybody on. The earlier bus is full and has a shit tonne of people i know. What if i lose to and have a panic attack on the bus, or breakdown and somebody notices? 

I dont want that to happen and its just so hard trying to explain to someone who has no idea what its like. Im seeing my doctor and psychiatrist this week. I might explain to them.. 

I just want to lie in bed all day and sleep. 

I dont want to live anymore.

Its a low day today.

Fuck you depression.

Love always,

x

 

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